Happy late Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there!

I know, if you’re like me, you’re probably extremely worn out and exhausted from chasing around the kiddos, giving baths, making dinner, etc. Except right now I don’t do much of any of that—because of what’s going on with me medically—so technically Klay should be wished Happy Mother’s Day; he’s definitely taken on the role of both parents.

Did you ever really think about what it would be like having kids? I mean like really, really think about it?

Looking back now, no one ever really sat down and told me how hard of a job it is being a parent. I mean, my parents said it was hard and so did other parents, but DAMN I didn’t know it was this damn hard. As a teenager, I probably would have rolled my eyes and not listened to what they said anyway.

It’s safe to say we all got that “just wait until you have kids” line over the years. I know I had a fair share of those thrown my way. And, she was right.

Yes, Mom, you were right; there I said it! LOL.

If you’re like me, you now understand what she meant when she said that to you—because now you know what it’s like being a parent.

And it’s exhausting, frustrating, tiring, tough, and your life will never be the same after you become parents.

I’m not sugar-coating it here. I’m just being real honest. Sometimes I question if I was meant to be a parent because there are just times I really suck at it or go hide my closet and lose my shit. #whoiswithme

It is the most difficult job ever—eeeeeeevvvvverrrrr.

It’s never-ending—the constant worries about their health and safety, questioning yourself on how to discipline, wondering if you are a good parent and you’re kids enjoy you, hoping you’re doing what you can to help them learn and grow, and praying that they are happy children who think you’re doing a good job—and hopefully they will feel that same way when they’re older and think back to their childhood.

I’m definitely not the “Mother Of The Year” or even close to it. I’m not even sure I’d get a participation ribbon for trying—and that hurts sometimes.

There is so much pressure—especially with social media—to be the “Pinterest Mom” or the “Head of the PTA Mom.” And as much as I’d love to do the cool things Pinterest moms are doing with their kids when I’ve tried, I get frustrated and the activity turns into a headache or a scene from Mommy Dearest. OK not that bad; thankfully I don’t have a thing about wire hangers… lol

Anyway during the activity—that only kept their attention for three to four minutes—I’m now in a pissed off mood, frustrated, the house looks like Martha Stewart took a big craft-dump in it, and all I want to do now is take a nap.

I wish as a mom I had more patience, more energy, and could play more with the kids outside.

But I can’t and I’m not. I often snap at my kids. I get tired of having to put people in corners or explain why it’s important for you to sleep in your bed and not with mommy and daddy every night. I get extremely agitated with what feels like constant high-pitched screaming and it all just wears me out.

At times, I feel like I’m constantly failing.

But in reality, I feel like I haven’t been a mother at all. Klay’s assumed that role and if it’s not Klay than it’s my mom, who is over here almost every day during the week helping me take care of the kids.

So really right now, I know being a parent is the hardest job, but being able not to parent my own children when they need it from me and not daddy or Gigi, may be even tougher.

I don’t have the energy to get up every time to discipline them, I don’t have the strength to get up from the couch to take Bex to the potty (to try to potty train him), I don’t have the stamina to stand and cook a full meal for them. It really, really sucks.

I will say this though, there is nothing like being a parent. You will never experience a love like this until you actually have children. That’s the truth.

It’s a pure love and a love that they didn’t have to earn (unlike your friends, spouses, etc). It’s just a natural connection, that doesn’t require them to reciprocate the love back to you. No matter what, you will always love your children.

They’ve changed the way I think of the world, taught me how to be more compassionate, opened my eyes to a lot of new things, and made me cry tears from both joy and sadness.

I love being a mom. And, I want to feel like I’m a mom again. Though I’m tired as a Mother F****** all the time, I can’t wait to just be tired as a mother again.

Spilling my parenting feelings,
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1 Comment

  1. Oh girl, it is so hard! I came to be a mother in an unconventional way – I became a stepmom when I married David and now that teenager we never see – long story. I am again a type of foster mom, and wonder if I’m even capable of this job. I don’t know why
    God chose this path for my motherhood, but I’m just glad that I’m even up to bat. I’m telling you that being a mom has been the desire of my heart for my entire adult life and finally I’m getting the chance to mom in a way that I will never understand. My first and only pregnancy was at age 46 and it ended up as a ruptured ectopic. Mommin is so hard and I just want to be the main mom every now and then and maybe I will get that chance, but until then I will just keep on swinging the bat and hoping that I get a base hit from time to time and maybe just maybe I will finally get a homerun – one day. Hang in there girl, your love for your kids is evident and I admire you very much. I don’t know why I went all baseball on this but seeing your little guy with the bat probably inspired me.

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