You guys know my life has been total shit lately. I’m battling a lot of health issues due to GVHD (graft vs host disease) and that all of this post-cancer crap is really taking a toll on me mentally.

So, I thought today I’d share 10 things that on my mind this week to do a slightly different post. And hopefully, as I can find some positive things to put on this list. Soooooo, here we go!

CANCERCON

cancerconYes, we are going! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. With everything that has been going on with medically, I need something to inspire and motivate me—in life, on this blog, and hopefully a future podcast. I’ve been so down lately because Ihonestly didn’t think I’d be able to go. I’m just can’t believe CancerCon is finally here! The deadline for fundraising has been extended. So who is going to make $50 or $100 donation? Please help support me–an AML survivor–help others going through similar. Please click here to donate! Deadline for donations is Sunday, April 30!

 Actually, this post was supposed to go live Thursday, but that didn’t happen! So, we are currently atCancerCon!!

OXYGEN

We all know Denver’s altitude change is tough on a lot of people. And since I don’t feel like I’ve gotten my lungs back to normal because I’m still short of breath sometimes, I’m a little worried. Plus I’m also concerned about the plane ride. Just praying that the plane ride and Denver’s altitude won’t be a problem this weekend.

FINDING NEW BOOKS TO READ

I’ll admit it; I’ve fallen behind on reading the past two months. I need to get back on it! Reading does help me emotionally to read and get lost in a whole other world, giving my mind a break from all that swishes around in that crazy head of mine. I enjoy it because my life takes a backseat and I’m focusing on the book, rather than my life! Anyone have any book recommendations? I’m all ears!

Reading does help me emotionally. It allows me to escape and become immersed into a different life and environment that only a book can provide. It also gives my mind a break from everything swirling around in that crazy head of mine.

Anyone have any book recommendations? I’m all ears!

MY MESSY & DIRTY HOUSE

Y’all, this house needs some serious attention. It’s freaking terrible.

Since I’ve been unable to do anything around the house, there is dog hair everywhere, dust on everything, clothes that need to be washed and put up, kids rooms that need to be clean and random crap scattered everywhere with no place to put it. It’s awful.

I did sweep the kitchen the other day, did the dishes, cleaned the bathroom toilet and collected trash from around the house. I was pretty proud of myself, but I had to take a break here and there to catch my breath and give my neck a rest from looking down. My neck kills me if I look down for even a minute or two. There is this giant buffalo hump on the back of my neck (due to prednisone) that causes severe pain. My head feels like it needs constant support.

Positive: I was able to tough it out to do a little bit of housework. So I’m making some progress.

WHATEVER YOU’D CALL THIS SHIT ON TOP OF MY HEADcrazy chemo hair

OK, I’m not talking about the white stuff in my hair (that’s actually some leave in conditioner and I didn’t know it’d spray out that fast).My hair is like a mixture of Joe Dirt and Courtney Loves’ rat nest. It’s so bad. I’ve been letting it grow out with the intention to color and cut it shorter. I really wanted to get my hair done before CancerCon, but I that’s not going to happen–it’s already Thursday and we leave Friday.

Right now, my hair is like a mixture of Joe Dirt and Courtney Loves’ rat nest. It’s so bad. I’ve been letting it grow out with the intention to color and cut it shorter. I really wanted to get my hair done before CancerCon, but I that’s not going to happen–it’s already Thursday and we leave Friday.

I’d like to cut it and have layers stacked in the back (hoping it will appear thicker), but then my buffalo hump on the back of my neck (which is massive) would definitely show with short hair. And I need some highlights or something… these roots are killing me! So what do y’all think? To cut or not to cut?

So what do y’all think? To cut or not to cut?

BECKHAM, MY LITTLE COMEDIAN

This kid is crazy and a lot to handle but he’s so cute and funny I can’t help but laugh at him. He’s been doing some of Brody’s taekwondo moves and it’sso cute and hilarious. He’s actually pretty good too!

And then when we ask him questions like “what color is this?” he starts thinking about it and says “hmm… hmmm…emmm…hmmm…red” as he stares long and hard at whatever we pointed at. It’s so adorable. He’s loud, crazy, and even had his first time out this week for trying to beat up his older brother. He’s got a personality like no other and he just wants to make people laugh. I adore my little miracle.

But his personality is like no other and he just wants to make people laugh. I adore my little miracle.

CLOTHES, WHERE ARE THEY?

Since upping my prednisone (which makes me gain weight and bloat) I’ve been having to pull out some of my bigger clothes that won’t be so tight on me. Most of my days I spend sporting the shit out of black yoga pants. Since we are going to CancerCon, I’d like to have something besides yoga pants to wear. Sigh. It sucks because trying on clothes wears me out, and I would need someone to go with me and help me try on clothes. Oh shit! That reminds me, I need makeup too. Homegirl is out. That would make 11 things on my mind this week. lol

It sucks because trying on clothes literally wears me out, and I’d need someone to go with me and help me try on clothes because I can’t dress myself and I’d be so pooped after trying on one outfit, I’d just say EFF it and leave. Oh shit! That reminds me, I need makeup too. Homegirl is out and no one wants to see this face without my war paint on. I guess that would technically make 11 things on my mind this week.

MY BFF SCOOTIE (WHO HAS STRUGGLED WITH INFERTILITY) FINALLY SHARED SHE’S PREGNANT

I know that life has been hard on my friend (who is also a fashion blogger @ www.signingsteph.com) for the past three years. She and her hubby have been trying for a very long time and they finally got their wish!

She’s officially knocked up and has not just one bun, but two buns cooking in the oven! Yep! They are having twins!

When she called to tell me the news a few weeks ago, I was in desperate need for some good news. Life’s been a bitch lately, and her news allowed me to push the refresh button I so desperately needed. The joy it brings them to be pregnant news I’ve prayed and prayed for. It brought me back to a happy place–a place where there are still great things happening in this world. And my life might be the hardest it’s ever been, but hearing that my friend was finally pregnant (with twins!) after so many disappointing negatives and tries, I felt like revived. I needed some good news and couldn’t be happier for my friends.

Please to go read their babies’ announcement here. And follow her! I’m sure she will be talking about more than fashion! She’s an inspiration and a brave soul for sharing something so intimate online and in the blogosphere. Please send her some love!

ONCOLOGY APPOINTMENT

I had a list full of questions to ask Katie, my PAC. I asked about travel precautions, getting some pain medication, my constipation, my eyes (seem to be blurry, itchy and dry—could be a sign of GVHD of eyes), about some spots on my face that won’t go away, and a few other things I’m not exactly ready to talk about on here yet..

The good thing is I got answers for everything and new meds too. My blood pressure, however, was wanting to screw with us. My BP was 90/60 when I got there, and then they checked it again before I left and it was 124/72, In other words back to normal.

Phew. I don’t need any more health complications to add into the mix!

MY CURRENT HEALTH SITCH UPDATE

oncology appt So over the weekend, my muscles in my legs started to get a little better. Saturday through today I’ve been able to move around a little easier than before. I still struggle to pick things up, and the upper half of my body is still very restricted when I try to move my arms, put up my hair, or put on my bra, etc. But it’s been painful in my legs and I’m able to get up easier.

But Tuesday, I was thrown a curve ball. I had McDonald’s after my appointment (bad, very bad idea) and I’ve had severe heartburn and gas since. I’ve been burping since Tuesday afternoon and it hasn’t stopped.  And I’m not a burper; that title would definitely go to my sister who could almost burp the ABC’s when we were little. Can you guess what I was? Yep, ole tomboy Cass back when she was just a few years old became a full-time, hardcore farter. I learned from my Dad. I’ve cleared a few rooms back in my day. And I’m really not shy about it. Everyone does it. And like Shrek says, “Better out than in I always say.”

Last night, I even woke up and had to run to the bathroom because I needed to throw up. I’m hoping this goes away soon! It’s pretty painful. But I’d take the heartburn any day over having problems with GVHD of the muscles. So, I am making some progress!

I’m hoping this goes away soon! It’s pretty painful and incredibly unattractive. But I’d take the heartburn over having GVHD problems with my muscles any day. So, I am making some progress!

What are 10 things on your mind this week? I want to know!

Telling my brain to take a chill pill,lifeoncasslane signature